Waiting...

I'm sitting here waiting for Pete to come home so we can go to WI!! I know we go all the time, but who cares. We love it and it's worth the work to us. Not only do we get to spend time with family but we get to RELAX and I get a break from living in Cortland!! I am so ready to be out of this house and out of this sad sad town. Does anyone know the Dixie Chick song about the square people in a world that's round? Well, that is how I feel. I feel like this is just a sad town and is so full of broken dreams. I hate that 1 1/2 away Tammy's house is being foreclosed on and that this is the place we were supposed to put our kids on the bus together. Then, it was the place I would put Timmy & Mak on the school bus... now it is neither. I hate walking the streets, I hate driving through it, and I just want out. SO, not only am I waiting to leave for WI but I'm waiting to MOVE. I am working on being patient and I know that God has a plan. It is so much easier said than done. Reading the Bible this morning helped me alot and I plan on spending my "hard times" sitting down and reading about hope and God's promises. Please pray that I have patience to stay here as long as God has planned.

Alabama Trip

So I've been up since 3:30am so this will probably not be as long as I want... but I'll try! I know I'll be too busy all week between work and packing up to go to WI for Labor Day weekend... so I'm going to post while it's on my mind. That being said, it is now officially "head up to WI every weekend the sun is out" season so I'm getting ready to hold on tight!!

We had a BLAST in Alabama. Timmy Ray & Timmy Lee are both settled and happy at home with Grandma & Grandpa Adams. Timmy Ray is going to a school to learn aluminum welding to work on the fishing boats down there. Timmy Lee is in "school" and has made new friends already. He is confused about the whole moving thing but has seemed to adapt well. That being said... he has not changed a BIT. Mak & TL did not skip a beat. They played great together and especially enjoyed the beach. We all jumped waves and played on the beach as often as time would allow. We also made several trips to the pool each day!! We are excited to have such a beautiful place to visit. Timmy Lee has a tractor that he drives around the yard for hours and he also helps with the garden!! The Adams' home is BEAUTIFUL and such a perfect place for a three year old boy.

It is still hard to not have him here in IL with us, but we were very happy to see them both smiling and enjoying Alabama. We do have plans to bring TL back to IL this summer and we'll have a big BBQ so that everyone can see him. Timmy Ray was attached to Mak all week, which was rather cute. We had our times where one kid or both kids would get tired and there were several emotional times but we made it through. We knew the first trip down would be the hardest and we're glad that it went so good. I know Tammy would have had a blast too but hopefully she was watching us and laughing at our crazy attempt to adjust to yet another change!! This past chapter of our life has been hard, emotional, crazy yet also memorable and has brought us so much closer as a family. Hopefully there is a happy chapter coming up and this would be a great start to it!!

Mother's Day Weekend & Some Revelations

I had a great Mother's Day weekend. It's hard to believe that it is my second Mother's Day!! Makenzie is getting so old and is doing new things every day. She is starting to say some words and she is happiest when we are outside. She even loves to ride in the car with all the windows rolled down and the music turned up loud. She is a little rebel and a free spirit but she is who she is and is and we love her for it. I cannot wait to have more children and see all the different personalities they all have! Plus, I am very thankful for my mom and mother in law who have become great friends to one another. We are able to celebrate holidays TOGETHER with both sets of parents. Chris & Anne were able to come up too! Between moving back into the condo and spending time with family, the weekend just flew by. We went swimming, ate a ton of food and did alot of talking.

I have always thought that my life has been crazy busy and out of control... but the more I think about it the more I realized that it is just they way I like it. I'm the one who wants to go up to WI all the time, I'm the one who booked the tickets to AL to visit my little nephew, I'm the one who LOVES to work from home, I'm the one who wants my house to be cleaned every week... no one is making me busy but me! At first I thought that maybe I should start saying no to things... but I really don't mind being busy. I am the happiest when I have a to-do list and when I know that I need to stay organized and on top of things.

Also, I realized that what I'm looking forward to most after moving from Cortland to the Burlington/Plato Center/Hampshire area is to having a yard. I cannot wait to have a flower garden for fresh flowers and to have a vegetable garden that I can cook with and share with anyone who needs fresh food. Plus, Mak needs room to run and that is NOT happening here. We are either too close to the pond or to the street. Pete & I grew up on acres and that is where we belong.

Some More Updates

The boys are now in AL. They left Friday night after Pete spent the day helping them pack the moving truck. Pete has been such a rock to me and my family and has helped out so much so that we don't have to be the ones packing their stuff and shipping them off. We are looking forward to visiting them in May and I cannot tell you how hard I'm going to squeeze that kid when I see him. I have never gone longer then a week without seeing him... and this past year the longest I would go was maybe a day or two. I am SO happy that Pete can come with my mom, mak & I. I know Mak will go crazy when she sees him too!! It's hard to have them so far away but it is nice knowing that we gave them 110% and we have no regrets. We made the decision to put family before friends and while that has upset some, it has proven to allow us to spend alot of time with Tammy before she passed away and a great amount of time with TR & TL before they moved. While it is VERY hard to have them gone, it has given us all alot of free time. We are taking advantage of this by relaxing, restructuring some businesses plans and helping my parents with a ton of projects that they put off while putting their grandkids first. We have our first showing Saturday and an open house on Sunday, so please pray that we sell our home and get out of that small sad town!!! I'll post some "goodbye" pictures when I am ready to look at them.

Major Updates

I have to make this quick...

1) TR & TL are moving to AL the weekend of Easter. We are REALLY sad because we will miss them a ton, but if they are happy down there then we will be happy for them. Pray that Timmy with adjust quickly and easily and that my family will have strength to get through what will be a difficult time for us. It was a shock to us but we are getting used to the idea and we know that God is in control.

2) Pete & I are trying to sell our home and move to the Burlington area. Pray that our home sells and that we can find a home. We are not going to start looking until after we sell since the home could sit on the market with this crazy economy. (However, I've already fell in love with a home on line... you know me... I can't help but look a little!!)

3) My baby is turning one next week!! CRAZY. Thank the Lord that she is healthy and happy.

I think most of you know all of the above... but I've gotten lots of emails and calls and thought this would be the easiest way to update.

Sunshine Works Wonders

Timmy waiting to go play basketball with Uncle Pete. (Pete's been WAITING for this day!)

Wearing her new shirt (From Auntie Kim). I LOVE her blue eyes. Such a Stellman. The monsters eating "nanner" bread. They can't get enough of it!!


At the waterpark. Makenzie & my dad relaxed together on the lazy river for hours.
I don't know who enjoyed it more :)

I don't know how long I have since Mak is supposed to be up from her nap soon, but I wanted to post a little update. WE SURVIVED THE FIRST YEAR. Yes. We are so relieved and thankful that it is over. Now I am worried about everyone forgetting about her... so please do not hesitate to talk about Tammy. We miss her and still love her and we want her to be a part of our life. She can't be with us now but we can still talk about her and laugh and focus on the big role she played in our lives.

The sunshine is very welcome. Besides it making me spring clean and start to plan Makenzie's birthday party... it has brought about an excuse to open up a couple windows and has served as a reminder or what is yet to come. Timmy, Mak, & I went on a play date to a home that is just across the pond from us. Timmy & Tristan (1 month younger in age) played while Makenzie & Savannah (2 months younger in age) enjoyed giving each other toys and then taking them back while Cat & I tried to talk in between. I am very thankful to have someone so close with kids the same age as T & M to play with. Timmy and Mak have been in wonderful stages this past week, which has allowed me to start thinking about more babies, just kidding. Makenzie has her teeth in and I can tell she's taking a break from the pain and is back to her happy self. Timmy has been working on his manners and has shown alot of improvement. We got his haircut yesterday and I'm happy to say goodbye to the mohawk!!

We are going up to WI this weekend to celebrate Lily & Char's birthdays. All the girls (including my mom) are going to Sundara to get our nails done and to spend some time relaxing in the spa. I CANNOT WAIT. Then, we will start to focus on Makenzie & Pete's birthday. SCARY. I am not ready for her to be a year old yet.

Waiting for Spring to Come.

Mom: you might not want to read one.

This month is a month we could not wait for it to come and go. I am trying to look at it as a good thing. We are so close to making it through the first year. It was long and hard, emotional and crazy... but it is so close to being over. I feel bad for having such bad feelings about the same year my baby was born, but the grief was and can still be so all-consuming that it often takes over any other emotions. If it was not for Makenzie, my whole family would be 10 steps behind. She forced us to keep going and to realize that we have little hearts who are learning and developing and need us to be there for them with hugs and smiles even when we don't feel like it. God gives and he takes away. Even though we don't have Tammy, we need to remember that we have Timmy and that it is beneficial to focus on the positive rather then dwell on the negetive. I keep telling myself that it can only get easier, but life just doesn't always work like that. Things keep popping up that are stressful and time consuming, but maybe it's Gods way of keeping us busy. Here are a list of things we need prayer for: wisdom for me on how to discipline Timmy , wisdom on how to manage the companies during these hard times, the capability for me to focus on work when I'm working and kids & Pete when I'm not working, praise that Timmy Ray & Pete have still been working hours comparable to last year, and for us to get through the 21st as gracefully as possible. We have all come a long way since Tammy went to Heaven but we still have a long way to go. I had no idea how hard this was going to be and I think since we have Timmy so often we realize that we are going to miss her and wish she was here for all the cute things he does. I really hope that she is in Heaven watching all of this. She would feel so loved and she would probably tell me I'm too strict with the kids, even though they are little monsters. AND she would kill me for not washing every dish in the dishwasher before letting Timmy eat on it. She would also let him eat sour cream by itself, just like she did. Timmy has so much of Tammy in him that it shows me how much of our personality is based on nature & nurture. He is OCD and loves loves loves cheese and has Tammy's same attitude when he thinks I'm being crazy. I can almost hear her sometimes when he talks. I miss her every day and I wish she was still at her home a block and a half away so that we could be with each other as often as we used to be. I cannot wait to see her in Heaven and see her smile and hear her laugh again. That's it. This is for everyone who thinks I hold everything in. I really don't, I just save it for after Timmy goes home and Makenzie's in bed and it's just me and Pete.